The wisdom of setting priorities to rank facets of life, essential activities, and tasks with approaching deadlines seems obvious at first. Yet, even if we succeed in numbering our priorities, these rankings fail to resolve the tensions between competing demands on our time and attention. For example, quips like “family first” suggest work responsibilities should be subordinated to the needs of our families. This sounds good in theory, but in practice we presumably need to work to provide for our families. And perhaps our families infuse our work with greater meaning or purpose.
The core problem with priorities lies in the assumption that everything in work and life can be ordered according to a hierarchy. By doing so, we adopt an either/or paradigm that forces dichotomous choices. In most cases, we are actually setting up false dichotomies then making impossible decisions between two paths or activities that can’t be mutually exclusive even though our either/or mindset tells us they must be.
Instead of operating within the either/or mindset dictated by the concept of prioritizing everything, we can remove the false dichotomies and discover fresh solutions by shifting to a both/and perspective. Within the both/and perspective, work AND life are equally valuable and both contribute to a robust and engaging experience. One cannot be subordinated to the other in a hierarchy because each one facilitates and complements the other. By employing the both/and framework to organize daily activities and inhabit work and life roles, we can imagine new ways of integrating the various areas of our lives in a dynamic and engaged way.
Follow these three steps to let go of priorities and embrace the varied facets of your life with enthusiasm.
Identify the Areas You Value
Begin by taking stock of what matters to you. Depending on your season of life and circumstances, you might include work, family, community, recreation, health, faith, and other areas that are meaningful to you. You will probably notice that you invest different amounts of time and energy into each area, and that’s okay. The goal is to recognize the areas that create the multi-faceted and dynamic masterpiece that is your life.
Imagine How Each Area Complements the Others
Now that you’ve outlined the areas you value, begin drawing connections between them. You might notice overlaps or complementary activities. For example, volunteering with causes that are meaningful to you can foster community involvement and develop work skills. As a result, more and more companies are offering employees sponsored opportunities to volunteer because they see it as a win-win-win activity. The individual wins, the community wins, and the company wins. Look for these mutually beneficial connections in the areas that matter to you.
Integrate the Areas with Appropriate Attention
Finally, take a both/and approach to creating space for these meaningful activities in integrated and important ways. Perhaps you can volunteer with your child’s after school activity while representing your company, staying involved in family AND work. Or maybe you find a workout buddy to fulfill your interests in friendship AND fitness. Instead of trying to create a hierarchy of priorities, the both/and strategy allows you to acknowledge the benefits of a multi-faceted life and to live fully engaged in it.
